Between Pride and Love Tears Within the Darkness
by Angel-Chan
Summary: Sequel to "One Moment Too Late." Darkness is absolute; darkness is emptiness.... But when tears appear from within this darkness... will it still be able to thrive? Rukato. Please R&R. Special A/N at the end.... And my words still won't italicize....


Mini A/N: Gomen nasai, mina-chan, for the wait. You know what, though? Life's been hectic. I just want to say that I am so happy that "One Moment Too Late" received as many reviews as it did! (If you haven't read it yet, go and do so!) Anyway, I was going to end this story with a huge author's note about why it took me so long to finish, but I won't. Not now. I have something much more important to discuss now... so please stick around and read it.... 

All that I'll say about the delay is 1) school is beginning to become frustrating, and being a sophomore isn't helping much; 2) my sister had deleted the first one... (that's right, I had it done and ready about a week ago, and the little brat thought it would be 'funny to get rid of sissy's story'... she even knew how to empty the trash on the computer...); 3) Christmas is coming-- 'nuff said. This is my longest story ever! 37KB/ 12 pages! I am so proud of myself! Also, I know that Rika's mom and dad are divorced, but I wrote it this way for a reason. I'm sorry for the inconvenience! Well, that's all until the end! Enjoy! (Happy be-lated birthday to me! [Dec. 18]) 

~*~ 

Between Pride and Love-- Tears Within the Darkness 

"Grief and tragedy and hatred are only for a time. Goodness, remembrance and love have no end."- President George W. Bush 

"You can't think. If you think, you'll fall apart."- Dr. Steven Garner 

"Know that I love you and no matter what, I'll see you again."- Brian Sweeney 

~*~   
  
  
  


"Help me...."   
  
  
  
  
  


I scanned the area-- darkness. Nothing as far as mine eyes could see. I-It was as if I were dreaming... but of nothing. The darkness wasn't my main concern, though. It never was....   
  


'I love you, Rika....'   
  


It was him. Always him.   
  


I-I was unable to answer him.... He probably hated me-- no, he couldn't hate me... he'd said he loved me.... He must just think that I hate him.... I groaned. Stupid, stupid, stupid! I don't hate you, Takato! It's quite the contrary....   
  


"I wish he'd just come back...," I muttered, tears beginning to run down my cheeks. I fell down to my knees on the cold floor of melancholy and angst; I longed for a shoulder to cry on, but knew that there was none to be offered. "Why am I so STUPID?" I shrieked, leaning forward and pounding my fists angrily on the surface until feeling ceased to function in them and flowed out in its weak liquid shape. It did not, however, numb the pain that had begun to drill its way into my heart on a meaningless quest to reach my soul. Sadly, it did not know that I was sobbing it out in my tears. Only when it reached the core of my heart would it find the emptiness that awaited it....   
  


A small voice echoed out from somewhere far off....   
  


"Anyone?! Help me! Please, I need help!"   
  


I sat up. Who...? "Who's out there?" I demanded, a shiver running down my spine. I had thought I was alone, but I guess I may had been mistaken. Then--   
  


No reply.   
  


Why would one ask for help and not answer when someone replied? I stood up, wiped the tears from my eyes, and ran in the direction of the cry. I decided to deal with Takato and my pain after I figured out what was going on. So I ran... and ran... and ran. I felt as though I were running nowhere, but I definitely knew that I was moving. And just when I was about to stop and cry more of my soul out, I saw it-- light! Light within the darkness!   
  


I entered the area of light; it was a park-like region with the sun shining high above my head. It was noon here.... I looked around for the owner of the voice, but it was like a certain saying: "I was looking for a needle in a haystack." There were children everywhere! And... this park.... There was something familiar about it.... I felt a sudden deja-vu surge through me. It then dawned on me:   
  


I-I'd been here before! I'd seen these people! But where?!   
  


"Please, mister! I-I need help!"   
  


That voice! I spun around, and....   
  


"I-It can't...," I gasped. There was just no way....   
  


A little girl, age four, was running from person to person, crying more and more as each one turned her down. Her flowered sun dress was torn from being pushed atop the road, and cuts and bruises had taken home to her young body. All that she needed was help, and she couldn't understand why no one would give it to her.   
  


"All... all I want is help! Can't anyone give me that?" she hollered-- right before tripping on her already ruined dress. Her little arms flailed out as she tumbled though the air. Right before she hit the ground, a man caught her....   
  


"Help.... M-my papa... is...," she muttered, no longer able to keep in her tears. She just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.   
  


The man grimaced and did what I had nearly forgotten... what I had felt so long ago.... He slapped her across the face. "Don't cry! Crying for something that's already happened will only make you weaker and weaker until you have nothing left! You must be strong, or you'll lose more of the people close to you!" She stared at him, violet eyes unsure. " Sometimes it's best not to have anyone close to you, child. Then you will lose nobody and never feel any pain." He set the confused, yet enlightened girl down and asked her a few simple yes or no questions. Finally, while yanking out a cell phone, he turned away from her. "Now where is he? That way? Stay here, I'll go check it out and call the hospital if no one has yet." And with that, he ran off.   
  


She wiped away her strewn tears; at that moment, she was vowing never to cry again... never to let anyone get close to her again... to never put her trust in people.... And I knew that all too well because....   
  


She was me.   
  


"N-no.... What is this? Why am I...?" I took a step back. A memory? But I hadn't thought about it since.... Then it... I must be dreaming! I concluded, feeling as lost within this as a bee did within a house.... I was scared... and I wanted someone to hold me.... But why would I be seeing this memory now? Perhaps, as I had claimed earlier, it was him. Perhaps he'd done this to me....   
  


Suddenly, the girl looked over-- at me. But... how can she...? I...? My mind reeled. What was going on? I was quite aware that when this had happened, I had simply walked home. I hadn't cared anymore-- I had just shut myself down.... WHAT'S GOING ON?!   
  


"Nothing really, Rika. Like you said-- it's all just a dream," she whispered, a grin forming on her face. The scene around us faded out, leaving us to the darkness. She then began to walk up to me. I wanted to just-- oh, I don't know-- scowl or something. But instead... instead, I quavered.   
  


"What...? How did you...?"   
  


"I am you, Rika. I know what you are thinking, what you are planning, and what you are feeling. You cannot hide anything from me."   
  


"You are NOT me! I've... I've changed, and if anybody's anyone, then I'm you!" I claimed, but I wasn't completely sure that I was right. In fact... I wasn't sure at all. But if she knows what I'm thinking, then I should.... I tried. I practically blacked out by doing so, but I still made my attempt.   
  


Nothing.   
  


The girl smiled even wider. "Silly, silly Rika. I have been residing within you for so long.... As they say, 'practice comes a long way,' and it does-- it really does." She cracked a small laugh. "Why, I am a part of you, as I have been ever since that day. I am the darkness from within...." Instantly, she disappeared from my view. Before I could think of what she had said, broken shards of a mirror popped out all around me. Within each mirror was a picture of me... of that deprived little pauper girl with weaknesses to everything....   
  


"N-no.... Get away...," I pleaded, not wanting to see this girl.... For some odd reason, I hated her....   
  


"What's the matter, Rika? I'm you, aren't I?"   
  


"That's right-- if you hate me, then you hate yourself as well."   
  


"I agree. And like you, I love Takato, I want to be with him, but I also wish to be left alone."   
  


"Solitude. That's the main thing I need to be strong."   
  


"Yes, and I must free myself of all emotions, for they are weak."   
  


Each word spoken seemed to pierce my soul; the full statement was somehow able to grind in deeper. Both the words and the broken shard images acted as though they wanted to break me down... and it was working. I tried to think of something else... tried to imagine that Takato was there... but I couldn't. I couldn't picture his face, hear his voice, feel his touch.... I wasn't even sure if I could still feel my love for him. All that I felt was the pervading anger and dankness of the slimy, soulless melancholy as it began to engulf me yet again.   
  


"There's no reason to fight, Rika. In the end, I will become whole with you, and you will live within the darkness once more." That's when I noticed it-- the pieces were slowly melding back together! They were trying to form the mirror that they had once been! Each time a new shard contributed, the image grew larger.... And soon it would be towering over me... laughing and mocking, hoping to kill my last little bit of hope and love. I knew that I would never let them go without a fight, but....   
  


I fell back, trembling with fear. Why did I also fear this girl? I knew that I hated her, but to fear? I was confused even more so, now. Confused-- and scared. This fear took the place of the entering anger, and for once... I felt the darkness jump. I-I had startled it! And yet... it still wrapped itself around me, as if attempting to strangle me. It had also gotten faster now.... Soon.... Soon I would be but a growing caterpillar inside its cocoon. A cocoon of darkness. But unlike the beautiful butterfly that would emerge... an empty shadow-- that's all I'd be.... No! I didn't want to be like that anymore! I wanted to change! I wanted to let people into my heart once again! The other me, the "dark" me, laughed. She knew that no one could hear... that no one would want to hear.... And so I did the only thing that I could do for the time--   
  


I cried.   
  


"What," the dark one raged, "are you doing, you fool?" It sounded not only annoyed, but also a little... frightened. "Why are you doing such a weak thing? Tears are unneeded! Stop!"   
  


I didn't stop-- not because it had told me otherwise... but because it felt right.... "I don't want to be alone... not anymore," I muttered. "And you can't stop me!" I bolted upright, prepared to fight off the thickening evil, and... nearly banged my head off of my table. My table? I... I was in my room.... My room...?   
  


"What the...?"   
  


How had I gotten here? Wasn't I just...? I thought, then sighed. Oh, yeah. It was only a dream-- a memory. But it had felt so real... like the darkness was really trying to take me over.... I shivered. I knew it hadn't succeeded entirely, but I wasn't completely sure that it had left me.... But right now, I didn't care-- I just wanted to see Takato again.   
  


Sunlight poured into my room slightly from the wall opposite of my door. So then-- it was morning. But how late was it? How long had I slept? These questions and more ran through my head. I was sure I'd find out the answers eventually by my mother or grandma, so I figured it was time for breakfast. I stood, maneuvered around my small table, and started for the door. And then... then I saw it-- the broken mirror....   
  


"Help me...."   
  


No.... I-it couldn't.... Why won't.... "No!" I yelped, falling to the floor and jamming my eyes shut. I didn't want to see it! Not that! Not after I had finally gotten done with it! Oh, why wouldn't it leave me alone?   
  


"Help me...."   
  


I shrieked, "Leave me alone!" I clamped my hands tightly over my ears, desperate not to hear the plea. Curling into a small ball, I began to absentmindedly kick the shards away from me. I just wanted them away from me.... And I didn't want to hear that voice anymore... but I still could.... "Shut up! SHUT UP Leave me ALONE!" I began to rant and rave, hollering my head off, while I tried to 'fend' myself from the tempting darkness. Tears came spurting out from both the fear in my soul and the pain in my feet.   
  


I never heard my mother come rushing in... never felt her shake me and yell out my name... never noticed her quiver when I tried to release her grip on me.... I only knew that she was there when she slapped me across the face... like the man from my memory.   
  


"Rika Nonaka! What has gotten into you?" I opened my eyes and looked up at her blankly. She was frazzled, or at least she looked it, and in her eyes a saw a hint of worry.... Did it bother me? Yes-- of course. But did I let it show? No... I never did.   
  


"After whatever happened last night... you're now acting like this! What's wrong?" she demanded, staring straight into my eyes, hoping to see any sign of fear, sadness, worry... but saw nothing. Only emptiness. I could not answer her.... Partially from the darkness that had never truly left, and partially from my own pride.... I was so lost within myself... within the never-ending pit that I had fallen into the night before.... Oh, God... I wasn't strong enough.... I wasn't strong enough to fight it on my own.... Not forever....   
  


"Rika... please. Please-- just say one little word. L-let me know that you're okay...." Mother... you care.... Of course she cared, but I guessed it was just hard for her to understand why her baby girl wasn't anything like her at all.... I remembered how happy she had been when I dressed up for her... the night before I-- and the others-- had gone off to the digital world. I had always wondered how she'd felt when she learned the truth....   
  


I croaked out a soft, "Mm." I suppose it calmed her down-- I mean, I would have freaked too if anyone I cared about had been acting like a lunatic. She let out a sigh of relief and smiled her picture perfect smile. "Now then, that's more like it! Come on," she whispered, helping me to my feet, "let's go clean up your feet."   
  


During our time in the bathroom, I let my mind wander. Mother had pulled out the peroxide and cotton swabs just moments ago; she was now trying to engage in a quaint conversation with me while bandaging me up. All that I did was nod or shake my head and try not to look into her eyes. I thought of all of those times when she'd primped and glamorized herself in front that very wall mirror.... How she'd tried to get me to go to her stupid photo shoots.... How I'd embarrassed her when she was finally able to do so.... I had been so... so cruel to her.... But I pushed that thought aside. I had to stop thinking of these things.... But... no. I didn't want to listen to it! I had to find a way to release this darkness from my heart!   
  


I snapped back to reality in time to hear Mother say: "Well, all done. And just in time, too-- I have a photo shoot at noon." She stood up and practically glided out of the door. Should I follow? I felt... obligated to do so.... And so I rose onto my tightly wrapped feet (which still hurt like a you-know-what) and went out after her. Smiling sadly, she looked back at me. I felt a stab of guilt and pain flood into my heart and soul. Something was hurting her... and I didn't have to make a guess: it was me.   
  


Mother muttered, "I... I have something for you. If you head to your room, I'll bring it out to you...." I vaguely wondered what it was, but figured it was one of those trendy new outfits or something like that of hers. Oh well.... Might as well go along with her... I mean-- I have caused her enough pain..., I concluded as I strode in.   
  


Once I set foot into my room, I caught a glimpse of something laying in one of the corners. Oh-- my blankets. Faintly, I realized that I hadn't used them the night before, then remembered that it was summer. The sheets were unneeded-- useless. Like myself....   
  


"That's right, Rika-- you're useless! Let me help you become strong again!"   
  


I twitched and mentally tried to hurtle the darkness into a small crevice where it would leave me alone for the time being. Why wouldn't it leave me alone? I-I couldn't stand it!   
  


"Rika?" I jumped. She'd startled me. I turned... and felt my eyes move in a sarcastic circle. Just as I had suspected. A frail, sun flowered dress hung limply in her arms. A stupid sun dress! That's what she had for me? What did she think I was-- a primping girly-girl? I held back my scoff. Well... I'd try it on-- just to make her smile, nothing else! And once she's gone, it's off!   
  


"Here," she whispered, lifting up the dress to study it one more time. "It may not look like much, but I tried my best...." What... what did she mean? She walked over and held it up to my body. She made a little face and went on: "It might be big-- just a smidgen...."   
  


I couldn't take it anymore! I spat, "Mother, what do you mean?"   
  


She winced and looked slightly taken back. Had I been too hasty? Too rude? Well... maybe just a bit.... Said she:   
  


"I-- well, your grandmother helped a little-- made this... for you." She set it down neatly on my table and started for the door. Was that a tear? Was she crying? I felt even more pain and guilt flood my heart. Oh, I need to breathe! Quit it! Let me breathe! cried my heart. She suddenly turned... turned and tried to read my eyes. I let the mask slide over; I could, on the other hand, read hers.... And then I wished that I couldn't....   
  


"Be a good girl while I'm gone, Rika. And your grandmother will be home late-- she's out visiting some friends," she informed me, now in the hallway. "Got to the park! Visit your friends! Do something!"   
  


The door to the house slid shut, and I was alone yet again.   
  


The park? Friends? Something? Hah-- that was a laugh! What friends? I had none.... I'd even lost Takato's love.... At least... that's what I'd thought. I wasn't completely sure on that.... But... how hard was it to stop loving someone? I wasn't sure.... I mean, I hadn't stopped loving my family... at least, not totally. It was just....   
  


I shook my head. Stop it! Just stop thinking! You're going to hurt yourself, Rika! The dress was just sitting there, and every ounce of guilt that had been drowning my heart decided to come and drown me. Should I...? I collected myself, rolled my eyes, and made my choice.   
  
  
  
  
  


Where did he live again? Wasn't it at the bakery? Oh, I don't know! I'll just have to test my luck.   
  


The burning stares felt immense; I matched each one with a cold glance so icy that the sun would possibly freeze over if I looked at it long enough. They soon died down. Stupid dress....   
  


Yeah, I had decided to not only try out my mother's creation but to confront Takato and spill out my soul to him as well. The only problem was: I didn't know where he lived! Frustrated, I let out a small cry of anguish. Why was everything against me today? At times like these I longed for someone to talk to.... Too bad she wasn't in this world right now....   
  


I looked up to the sky. It was so pretty.... No clouds, for once, and the sun had dried most of the rain from the night before. I remembered the day we'd won once more... but this time, it was after my little moment with Takato....   
  


They... they had been told-- forced is more like it-- to stay "from whence they came." Out of all of them, Guilmon had fought the most... but in the end, there was nothing any of us could have done.... And who cares what Ryo said! He can't protect them that well! That stupid jerk.... Sure, he'd beaten me at the card game. Sure, he'd saved our butts a few times. Sure, I'd left on my own search when we ran into him. But I didn't care! If Renamon was dead, he'd get it!   
  


I was still flaming when I spotted it. The bakery! I jogged up, swung open the door, and ran in. Before me, at the cash register, stood Takato's father.   
  


"Yes? Can I help you?"   
  


I felt slightly embarrassed.... His dad! I had thought that Takato was working at the bakery now! Or at least handling the money while his parents took their time to cook and make long-distance deliveries.   
  


After taking a quick look around, I lowered my eyes and muttered, "Is... is Takato h-here?" There! Said it!   
  


He suddenly laughed a hearty laugh. "Oh, I remember you! No, he's out at the park right now. Seemed awfully depressed about something, though." Raising a finger up to scratch his nose, he recalled, "He had come home last night soaking wet and crying up a storm. He didn't even tell us what was bugging him.... Well then, you wouldn't--"   
  


I ran out of the store before hearing the rest of his question. I felt it rude to do so, but I had to talk to him-- now! And anyway, his dad was a little on the weird side....   
  


The park... Well, I thought, here I am.... But where was he? Letting out a groan, I stormed down the path ahead of me. If anything, he'd be Guilmon's old hideout; Kazu and Kenta had made it their new "clubhouse" after returning home last week. They were probably there playing cards.... It probably hurt him a lot whenever he looked at it, but he was stronger than that, Takato was.... He had searched for Kazu, Kenta, and me when the others were losing hope... and dragged them along as well.   
  


"Hey, Rika! Hey!"   
  


The call brought me back to the real world. I floated away from the world created by my mind and planted my feet firmly on the ground. Placing a slight scowl on my lips, I turned around. Great... just great. Henry and Jeri....   
  


Hand in hand, the maneuvered their way up to me. Well then... that was interesting. They hadgotten closer during our tiny Calumon "search and rescue" mission, but no one took much notice of it. Takato's words from last night rang in my mind: 'Yeah, I see it now-- you must like Henry....' He must not know! Then... they must have kept mum until now.   
  


"So," I mused, tilting my head towards their locked hands, "when did this happen?" Henry coughed and began to look around while Jeri turned a deep shade of red-- darkest I'd ever seen-- and squeezed his hand tighter.   
  


She murmured, "Yesterday...."   
  


I felt the need to change the subject in order to end the unneeded conversation and continue my search. Besides, Henry looked pretty pathetic just staring at a park bench. "So... um-- have you seen--" I didn't have to finish... they already knew.... It was almost as if they had been anticipating my arrival. They told me that he'd past them just a little bit ago.   
  


"Lost...," Jeri whispered, bringing her empty hand up to her face.   
  


Henry agreed solemnly. "He looked lost within himself," he added sadly. When they asked me why, I just told them that it wasn't any of their business. Jeri probably knew the truth.... She had a way of reading people. And we had become more like "friends" during our journey as well. So, if anyone knew me-- the real me-- it'd have to be Jeri... and my grandma....   
  


Goodbyes were said and departures were made. I watched them toddle off for a moment or two, imagining what it would be like to hold someone's hand with such love.... I then wandered on, leaving the thought behind to wither and die. I had to find him first. I had to find him before I imagined anything... before I did anything....   
  


Trailing, my eyes traveled the road ahead. It was such a long one.... Perhaps... perhaps I should just turn back...,I offered meekly. It was true-- I hadn't caught a single glimpse of Takato yet. Maybe it was time to stop kidding myself....   
  


"Yes.... Turn around," crowed a voice. "You do not need him-- you do not need anyone!" A sickening, almost sinking feeling erupted from within the pit of my stomach. How much longer...? How long would I be able to last against this draining darkness of never-ending doom? Give in? I felt like I should.... Stupid, stupid me.... How I hated the girl that I had been, the girl that I was.... I just wanted her to die! Die, you weak, unfeeling creature! Rot in Hell!   
  


Without keeping my eyes fixed out in front of me, I was unable to notice the person walking towards me from the opposite direction. This person, like I, was lost within their own thoughts and feelings. We were both completely unaware....   
  


"Mmph...," I sputtered, tumbling to the dirt below. Why get up? I questioned. I belong with dirt.... No-- dirt is actually much higher than I... I am unworthy of even its presence.... I didn't move, didn't look up, didn't say "sorry." The only thing I did do was sit there.... I just sat there and focused my already dying eyes onto the tiny grains of dirt and gravel. Only a few pebbles roamed within this sea of grains.... And they were like me... alone....   
  


"R-Rika?"   
  


What? Heat seeped up my neck, snaking its way along my veins like volcanic magma; it soon hit the trenches built to hold it back-- my cheeks. Takato! Casting my glance upward, I managed to mumble a weak hello. What luck.... I was just about ready to turn around and let the melancholy rule! If anyone had perfect timing, it had to have been him....   
  


Nervous.... He was really nervous.... "That's-- um-- a n-new dress, eh?" His eyes carefully slid up and down my mangled figure, then averted to a nearby tree. Oh... I had missed his eyes....   
  


My head nodded without my intention.... I felt so embarrassed! "Y-yeah.... Mom gave it to me...." For Christ's sake! Just tell the guy how you feel! Sand up and tell him! I felt as though the same black pit from last night had reopened.... It was just inches from me, waiting... and it was hungry.... No. I wanted to be able to have my say in it this time around!   
  


His hand shot out in front of me. With but a quick glance, I noticed that he was smiling. It was a lopsided half grin, but... it was a smile-- as in not crying. The pit disappeared; I was free for the time. I accepted his offering and rose. We were now practically nose to nose. A... a twinge of uneasiness flooded my soul. What now? What was I supposed to do? Tell him how I felt? But... I was scared. I didn't know why; perhaps it was just the thought of him rejecting me... but I knew that it was silly.... Too many emotions to think about!   
  


I realized then that Takato had been shaking me slightly and repeating my name in hopes to reach me. Well, it worked. I stared into his dark almond eyes and disclosed his stories. He still held a great pain... pain that I had caused. But this pain was rimmed with hope. He still hoped? And within both I discovered love-- a strong love. Was it... for me? Was it? Choking out a sob, I flung my arms around his neck and bawled. No more.... No more pain-- no more fear. I shouldn't have to hide behind a thick of pride. I just wanted to cry it all out.... Stupid pride.... Besides, he had to read my stories for once. Better yet, I could tell them to him....   
  


Poor Takato, though. He fidgeted around nervously, or so I guessed; I was a little too busy with my tears. Slowly, he managed to drag me over to an awaiting park bench. Once sitting, I felt his arms wrap around me. His touch was so... so gentle.... Never in my life had I felt this way... or had been this close to him. Burying my face into his chest (he smelt like... like, well, his eye color-- roasted almonds), I slowed to light sniffles.   
  


"Takato...," whispered I, too afraid to move, too afraid to lose his sent, "why did you leave before hearing me out? I never got a chance... to answer."   
  


"What do you mean?" I felt him tense up; he must've realized... must've just recalled.... I vaguely wondered-- had he meant for me to hear?   
  


"I heard you... right before you left...," I softly stated, pulling myself up to face him. 'Look into someone's eyes when you mean to tell the truth,' Grandma had once advised to me. Finally, after hearing that quote so long ago.... I would finally put it to the test. I would tell him how I felt....   
  


His eyes darted to and fro for a moment. "Y-y-you heard m-me...?" he stammered, fear welling up inside his eyes. A rabbit. He looked like a scared, beaten, cornered rabbit.... Here bunny, bunny, bunny.... I wanted to giggle at the thought, but I couldn't-- I just wanted to....   
  


"Yes... and you never let me answer."   
  


Brown flashed into my vision as he shook his head madly. In reality, his heart was probably hoping for the best... while his brain was scolding it for doing so. She may feel the same way, his heart might cry out, but the mighty brain would only counter it with: And she may not-- you never know. How, you ask? How could I possibly know what was going on inside of him? Because that same scene had gone through me almost every day of my life. Imagine... day after day.... I knew exactly how he felt....   
  


"Don't!" I cried. The tears that had suddenly become so native to my face in the past few days formed yet again. "Don't think that! Always hear what a person has to say before tossing it aside with such a dreadful and untrue answer! You can't be that selfish!" Without waiting for him to answer, I fell into his arms. They weren't the awaiting kind, but they were still open. I love you..., I thought. Then say it! my mind raged at me. Tell him! He wants to know-- he needs to know! Well... would I dare? Would I?   
  


"I love you... Takato," I managed to rasp. "I don't know how-- I don't know when-- but I do... I really, truly do...."   
  


Takato fell limp in my arms. Almost like a rag doll.... What was wrong with him? Th-this was how he'd felt, right? The night before? The way I felt now? If this was what he was feeling, then.... I felt a soft touch at my shoulder; uneasiness entered from it and flew with the wings of an eagle through my body. He pried me away from him; his eyes were... they were so serious.... When looking into them... I wasn't sure what to think.... It was as though he had a mask all his own. Tears ran from their duct-like homes to start on a perilous journey though deep ravines, high mountains, and so on. Look away, Rika, don't let him hurt you.... I looked away.   
  


"Hey-- hey, don't do that...." He must have sensed my fear, because he instantly cupped a hand under my chin and turned me towards him. I... I didn't want to hear him if he had a face like that.... "Rika...," he whispered, the mask breaking, "I'm glad... that you love me, too...."   
  


A smile. A warm smile. His smile....   
  


He still...? He still liked me? He still liked me! I felt like laughing and crying all at the same time! I couldn't believe it! I was such an idiot for worrying. Letting out a tiny chuckle, I welcomed back the smile that had rarely been seen.... I hoped that it wasn't rusty-- or clumsy... I wanted it to be perfect... for him. And that's when he did it....   
  


He kissed me.   
  


It wasn't just any kiss; it was one built with pent-up passion and love. Anyway, it put me in a state of shock. What do I do? Did this come naturally? I've never been kissed before! His lips were so... so soft... and welcoming.... It was almost as if they were tempting my own to join them.... My lips accepted.   
  


So... this is a kiss, eh? I realized. I never wanted it to end.... No-- not ever. It was like we were in our own little heaven. A place where we could feel each other's love radiating out.... My first kiss.... Undoubtedly not my last, either. So then, this week had not been a total disappointment after all....   
  


"Aww... I still say it looks like you people are tying to eat each other!"   
  


We snapped apart. Was it...? Low and behold, there he was, just standing there like he'd been there all of his life! Not a care in the world....   
  


I gathered enough strength to scrape out, "Calumon?" Takato just nodded.   
  


Calumon. Cute, annoying Calumon. Here. In the real world. The. Real. World.   
  


"People," he mused, "are so silly!" With that said, he hopped down into my astonished arms. His big eyes grinned up at my confused ones. "Wait 'till the others find out!"   
  


'Others?' I mouthed to Takato. He laughed. "Can you take us to them? Please, Calumon?" The little digimon chuckled.   
  


If Calumon was here, then maybe... just maybe.... Renamon! Wait for me! Was she close enough to hear? I didn't know, but I did hope it.... I hoped for it with all my heart....   
  


For the first time in many years... I was happy. Completely and wholly happy. The darkness had fled; love had reappeared; my closest friend had returned. Nothing could ruin my day. Nothing.And something deep down told me that I would be much happier from now on....   
  


I mean-- come on-- what could possibly go wrong?   
  


~End~   
  


A/N: As you read earlier, I want to talk about something that is happening more and more nowadays.... Suicide. Why? Well, a good friend of mine(she's a junior) tried to commit it just a couple of weeks ago.... She didn't succeed, and her parents sent her to some kind of center where children like that went to recover. She told me one day that there were kids as young as four there. They were not allowed anything that would cause them pain; one girl had to have her hair cut because she had tried to choke herself on it. In my friend's very words: "It was like an asylum for children." I did not know where she had been until I talked to her Dec. 21, the last day of school before Christmas break.... I felt horrible-- as though I could have done something.... She had said that her father had snapped the "last string", but I still felt as though it were my fault.... I mean-- Dec. 20, at our band concert that night, she had been raving that someone close to her had hit a cow. Yes, a cow. "I'm doped up, that's all," she told me; when I look at her, I see a scar above where her temple would be on her head. I'm unsure if that's where she tried, but....   
  


And, no. I've had one other experience with suicide.... Last year, my freshman year, a semi-friend of mine had tried for suicide... and they had succeeded...(of course, how could it not have when he decided to blow his head off?). What hurt me the most was that I barely knew him.... I knew him as the guy who blew up a condom like a balloon during an assembly in the gym and let it float around. I knew him as the kid who would always bug us for money during gym class. He was nicknamed carrot-top because of his mop of red hair (it was both crapily dyed black and shaped like an afro at the beginning of the school year). The day that they announced it... when I first heard of the news... I just sat there. I was dumbfounded. I never thought that he would do something like that.... He had always been so... so happy. So carefree. And now this.... We didn't do anything in gym that day... we just sat in the commons and mourned. I asked people to tell me about him-- I wanted to know as much as I could because I had never truly tried before....   
  


You see? Murders hurt. Accidents hurt. Suicides hurt. Don't ever think they don't.... We all think of death; we all wonder what it's like; we all sometimes just want to die. Don't you dare say you haven't. Let me hear one person tell me that. Just. One. And then, maybe I'll think that I am one of the ones who may die because I think of it. Another friend of mine has been having family problems for some time now, and although she jokes about the idea, I doubt that she would actually do it.... I know that I'd be scared to... and I would never want to hurt my family and friends.... So, just because life isn't going your way, you think no one likes you, or your family is just being downright hateful, don't think that death will be the cure.... Because it only causes more pain... more tears... and more guilt.... Death only leads to more death. Remember that.-Angel-Chan (PS. If you're not going to review for the story, at least review my A/N. I want to know how others feel about this, and my friend may like to hear a few words of encouragement.) (PPS. Merry Christmas! and look out for new chapters of "Trials of the Heart," "Torn," and "The Legend of the Crests.") 


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